


the smile in your face

by ratcarney



Category: The Grinning Man - Philips & Teitler/Grose & Morris & Philips & Teitler/Grose
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratcarney/pseuds/ratcarney
Summary: after nine years, ursus is still unsettled by grinpayne’s cruel, carved smile.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	the smile in your face

**Author's Note:**

> i ignore victor hugo in the sense that i firmly believe that grinpayne was found at eight years old and not ten. what’s he gonna do? sue me from the grave?

winters were always difficult.

carnivals and fairs didn’t typically stay open when the weather turned dark and cold, and ursus’s main source of income was his lotions, potions, and puppetry business. puppetry became popular around christmastime, but other than that, money didn’t come in very often, and ursus was seldom home. regardless, grinpayne and dea were satisfied with what they had.

fair, fragile dea’s love of the snow and cold weather didn’t stop the chill from seeping into her bones. she fell ill easily in the wintertime, prone to long periods of fatigue and fever. her sleep was fitful and infrequent.

grinpayne did whatever he could. he sang gentle lullabies, told her ghost stories off the top of this head, anything to lull her to sleep.

on the night of the first real snowstorm of the year, dea tossed and turned, shivering under the blanket from both her bed and grinpayne’s. ursus was out, so grinpayne sat with dea, stroking her hair and ensuring she was comfortable. he sang. he spoke. he did everything he could, and eventually, he realized with relief that dea had finally succumbed to the embrace of slumber.

grinpayne sat on the floor with his back against her bedframe. he debated blowing out the candle on her bedside table, but with dea lying only inches from him, he couldn’t risk the smell of smoke startling her awake.

after a few minutes, he heard the rustling of fabric and wood creaking. “grinpayne?” ursus’s gruff voice called.

grinpayne winced as he stood and started towards the door to tell him to be quiet. to his surprise, ursus met him halfway, appearing in the doorway of dea’s little room.

the candle flickered, illuminating grinpayne’s features, and suddenly, time slowed to a crawl.

grinpayne watched in slow motion as the man he had called “father” for nine years lurched back in horror, putting a defensive hand in front of him as a shield. as if grinpayne was going to attack him.

grinpayne’s blood turned cold, then burning hot as the reality of what had just happened sank in.

he saw the regret in ursus’s eyes immediately, but the damage was done. in that split second of fear, grinpayne looked into the horrified expression of a man who was still afraid of him after almost a decade.

“grinpayne—“

grinpayne stopped him with a glare. he pointed outside. dea didn’t deserve to get caught in the middle of what was inevitably bound to happen, especially not after she had finally gotten to sleep.

snow was falling quickly when grinpayne stormed out of the house with ursus at his heels.

“nine years.” he hissed, whirling around to glare at ursus. “nine years, father, and you’re still afraid!”

“you startled me, grinpayne, that’s all!” ursus protested. “this has nothing to do with your face!”

grinpayne laughed bitterly. his breath came out in clouds in front of him, and the freezing air stung his exposed teeth. “then what is it about? because we both know you weren’t cowering at the sight of _dea!”_

“i did not _cower_ at the sight of y—“

“you’re supposed to be _the one person!”_ grinpayne cried. ursus looked around cautiously, making sure that no one was around to hear them, but grinpayne didn’t care. his voice rose in volume and resentment, competing with the snow to be the coldest thing between him and ursus. “you’re supposed to be the one person that sees me for who i am!”

“i-i do!” ursus stammered, trying in vain to save himself.

“you don’t, father.” grinpayne shook his head. “i know that now—you’re still afraid.” he stepped back with a strangled noise of frustration, running a trembling hand through his dark curls, now peppered with snowflakes. “you think i don’t know what fear looks like?” he took a breath, pulling himself back. just because he looked like a monster didn’t mean he had to act like one.

grinpayne made sure to keep his eyes locked with his father’s, not letting him look away. obviously ursus needed to look at his face a lot more if he was going to get used to it. there was no better time to start than the present. “i know what fear looks like. that, in your eyes? in your stance? in the hand you held up to shield yourself? _that_ , father, was fear.” his words were hushed now.

“grinpayne, i’m not _afraid_ of you, i was just—“

“stop!” grinpayne interrupted. “stop trying to make everything better, because it’s not that easy!” the snow started falling harder and faster, making the barrier between grinpayne and ursus almost tangible. “and lower your voice, father. dea’s sleeping.” he muttered as an afterthought.

“well, of course i’m not making anything better! you’re not letting me get a word in edgewise!” ursus growled. “stop being such a _child_ , grinpayne! not everything is about you!”

grinpayne shook his head, incredulous. “me?” he asked. “me, father? a child?” ursus could see him shiver in the cruel wind, but the fire in his eyes was red-hot. “who takes care of dea when you’re out peddling your potions?” he demanded. “who feeds her? who makes her comfortable?” he paused before dealing the final blow. “who loves her when you’re not around to?”

“i’m trying to get us to a new world, grinpayne! something you would know if you finally grew up and stopped dwelling on the past!” now ursus was angry. he had not raised this boy to disrespect him. “you have no concept of what i do for us. for _her_. you never have.” ursus stopped avoiding his gaze and looked him dead in the eye. “it’s not my fault people are so afraid of you, so don’t you _dare_ try and pin this on me.”

grinpayne finally went still. the crude smile on his face gleamed in the moonlight.

it was getting late.

“we should go inside, grinpayne. you need to sleep.” regardless of grinpayne’s anger towards him, his fatherly instincts were kicking in. he saw the fatigue in his broken boy’s eyes. he was tired.

not from sleep deprivation, but from the ordeal of being seen as a monster.

_he was tired of being feared._

“i’m not finished with you yet.” grinpayne hissed, scrounging the depths of his soul for any extra scrap of strength he could possibly find. “we aren’t _done_ , father.”

ursus rose to his full height in an attempt to intimidate him, but at seventeen, grinpayne had nearly surpassed him in that department. “i think we _are_ done, boy. get inside.”

“no.” grinpayne snapped. “i’m not going to let you ruin dea’s sleep just because—“

ursus had heard enough. whatever remark grinpayne had in store for him, he decided he wasn’t interested. to use their young, ailing dea as leverage to be disrespectful was the last straw. was it not enough that he had saved this boy from certain death? was it not enough that he clothed and fed him? was it not enough that he had supplied this boy with medicine for his pain?

“grinpayne, _ENOUGH!”_ ursus shouted.

behind grinpayne’s wild glare, ursus saw something snap. “ _lower your **voice!** ”_

he all but lunged to get to ursus, murder in his eyes, but once he was in front of him, grinpayne stopped. his once-murderous eyes widened and glazed over with pain. in his haste, he had accidentally torn open one of the many holes in his cheeks that were trying to heal. drops of blood were spotting the pure white snow at his feet before he could say anything else.

without thinking, ursus quickly fished a clean bandage out of his coat pocket. “put this on, boy.”

grinpayne didn’t move, only pressed a hand to the side of his face. he looked shocked, as if surprised to see the blood pouring from his wound.

ursus couldn’t help but soften. “ _grinpayne_.”

“we’re not done.” grinpayne managed, his voice low and hoarse. “we’re not...” at this point, his words were more breath than anything else.

ursus watched blood run between grinpayne’s fingers, racing down his forearm in rivulets. he rummaged in the pocket of his coat for the little bottle that would make everything go away. finally, he found it and thrust it towards grinpayne. “take your medicine, boy.”

grinpayne had his eyes shut tight, and ursus saw his knees shake, the telltale sign that he was about to drop. ursus’s heart twisted in his chest. this was his fault, wasn’t it? if he hadn’t flinched when he saw grinpayne’s carved smile in the flickering candlelight, he wouldn’t be watching his broken boy sputter and cough up his own blood in front of him.

before grinpayne could sink into the crouch he always assumed to manage his pain, ursus heard wood creak quietly behind him.

“grinpayne?” dea called. her voice was soft, barely audible, but grinpayne snapped to attention as if she had screamed for him. “where are you?”

_dea_.

it was like nothing had ever happened. grinpayne rose immediately, swallowing his pain and the blood that had undoubtedly pooled into his mouth, all to put on a brave face for dea, whatever she needed. he staggered through the snow towards the cart, his shoulder brushing against ursus. on second thought, he took the bandage. dea couldn’t see him, but he couldn’t risk getting his own blood on her clothes or skin.

“thank you.” he muttered.

“i’m _sorry_ , grinpayne.” ursus tried to apologize again, but the boy only rushed to the steps where dea stood.

“what is it? what do you need?” his voice was still quiet, but steady. “come out of the cold, dea. you’re not well.”

“i woke up and you were gone.” dea murmured. ursus watched as grinpayne held her close to his chest.

he did love her.

“i was just talking with father. don’t worry about me—let’s get you back into bed.” he cupped her cheeks. “i’ll give you my coat. i’m here. hold onto me. that’s it.”

ursus wandered back to the steps and sat down. from inside, he heard dea whispering to grinpayne.

_“where’s father? is everything alright? you’re shivering…”_

_“i’m fine, dea. get into bed, and i’ll be back in a minute. i’m just going to check on something.”_

after a moment, he heard grinpayne approach from behind him.

he didn’t bother turning around. he knew he would only be met with a withering stare. “grinpayne, lad, i’m—“

“i forgive you.”

ursus blinked. he stood, turning to face his boy. “you...forgive me?”

“yes.” grinpayne shifted his weight from foot to foot. without the animosity radiating off of him, he looked uncharacteristically small. “you’re right to be scared.”

ursus could never fathom having such control of his own anger. he had to admit, save for the occasional agony-fueled outburst, grinpayne simmered in silence. it was truly commendable, especially in a boy of his age.

“no. no, i wasn’t. i was wrong and you don’t deserve it.” ursus said. “i’m...i’m proud of you, boy.”

grinpayne’s eyes widened. it may have been a trick of the light, but ursus could have sworn he saw tears welling in those wounded eyes.

“you’ve grown into a fine young man.” ursus continued quietly. “i’m sorry i’m not home often enough to see him.”

“will you forgive me?” grinpayne asked. “i shouldn’t have said those things. i’m grateful. really, i am. i just…” he shuddered, but didn’t falter. “i shouldn’t have to see the same fear in your eyes that i see in everyone else’s.”

“i know. i know, lad. i’m so sorry.” ursus took his shoulders, felt his frame through the fabric of his shirt. he remembered grinpayne’s first ragged gasp of agony as he kneeled in front of the fire, the heat thawing his terrible, permanent grin. he remembered holding the boy’s numb hands as he recounted the horrors he had met in the cold, dark forest. he remembered the first time grinpayne had called him “father.”

“please forgive me, father.”

ursus put a hand to the back of grinpayne’s head. “i do. come here, boy.” he pulled grinpayne close to him in a tight hug. he felt his arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief. after a few moments, ursus pulled away to hold his boy at arm’s length.

“can i…?”

grinpayne knew immediately what he was asking. he nodded weakly.

slowly, almost tenderly, ursus unwrapped grinpayne’s face. he saw the tension return to the boy’s shoulders as he braced himself for what ursus would say. it broke ursus’s heart to see that his own boy was afraid of what he might think.

ursus lifted grinpayne’s chin and tilted his head to the side so he could assess the damage. the hole in his cheek was ragged, but not as deep as it looked. raw and scarlet, it decorated the edge of where the corner of his lips should have been, still leaking blood.

with the right care, it would heal nicely.

“let’s get you cleaned up.” ursus said. he put a careful hand on grinpayne’s shoulder, but to his surprise, grinpayne leaned into him of his own accord.

forgiveness.

winters were always difficult, but as a man mended the smile in his son’s face inside a little cart in the snow, it seemed as if the worst was behind them.


End file.
